It's So Hard To Say Goodbye to Yesterday

It seems that lately, there has been so much tragedy and sadness. My best friend from grade school and another good friend and former coworker are currently battling cancer. A friend and old coworker just passed away and will be buried today. Some of my other friends are hurting because of the death of a friend and coworker. It reminds me of a song that I recently heard called, "Blessings." The song talks about how our trials are our mercies in disguise. We don't know any reason, but we have to believe that there is an underlying reason for our trials because there are so many blessings that we receive every single second. Some of these blessings are not evident unless you look deep inside your soul and listen.

My friend Darlene that will be laid to rest today was a wonderful woman that I met ten years ago when we were both doing hospital orientation. Later on, we both worked at a local nursing home, and Darlene became good friends with my mom. Darlene and my mom were kindred spirits and had similar interests and views. She always looked out for others around her. I'm ashamed at myself for not keeping in touch with her since she moved out to the hills. I hope she and my mom are in heaven reminicing about the good times.

Our time on Earth is so precious and short. We have the burden and responsibility to try to make it a better place for everyone. Our time will end here. It could be today or 50 years from now. It's time for me to live my life because who knows what tomorrow will bring.

And the World Still Spins Madly On....

I've been very melancholy lately. I'm not sure if it's the Earth tilting and changing pressures and seasons in the air; if it's because it's almost the anniversary of my mother's death; or, if it's because I'm worried about my future plans.

I'm worried about my future because I'm so old to be going to school, and I worry that life will pass by while I'm trying to educate and better myself. All I do is work and go to school. I don't have many friends nearby and I'm not volunteering like I used to-all ways that I stayed in touch with the "real world."

Today, one of my old coworker's nephews was killed in a hunting accident. He was 14 years old. All I could think of was my oldest nephew Austin who absolutely loves hunting. My friend, Tammy was close to him and is having a hard time, as is the rest of his family. It brings up memories and feelings from years past. I hope Tammy's family can move on and find peace.

It's almost 4 a.m. and I'm still awake! I've been sleeping a lot lately and I think it's because I've been so melancholy. The other night I had a melt down and did not sleep well at all. I think I'm feeling too sorry for myself. I just wish I could be the person I used to be. I was looking at pictures of myself as a young girl and I'm always smiling, enjoying life, being naive. I wish I was that happy again and enjoy life's little wonders. I sometimes wonder if I will ever learn to be happy again and not fake it. Just when I think I'm making headway in life, life throws me curveballs and I'm having meltdowns again. GRRRRRR!

The World Spins Madly On

I'm getting super nervous. Tomorrow is my last day of work at my current full time job. I have filled out lots of applications, but have not heard from anyone for an interview. What if no one wants to hire me? What if no one likes me? I'm scared, yet excited about what the future holds for me. I don't know if that makes sense or not, but I've always been very careful in life. Never in my past would I have quit a job without securing a different job first. It's totally unlike me, but like the carefree me that I haven't shown in a long time. Please everyone pray for me that I find a good job that I will enjoy!

It's a New Year!!!!

Happy New Year!!! I hope everyone has a healthy and prosperous 2009!

I've made a few changes to my life since my last postings. My big news is that I'm moving! I'm only moving to Aberdeen so that I can attend college full-time on campus at Northern. I'm not necessarily thrilled with Aberdeen, but it's close to where I am now, so that I can visit a lot easier. I will also be working as a CNA again in a nursing home. I don't really care for this line of work, but it's conducive to working the schedule around my school schedule. I haven't found a place to live yet, but I hope to fix that this weekend!

When I have all the details, I'll write another post!

Busy, Busy

So, I decided I was procrastinating enough, and I am a full time online student through USD. I'm now thinking I bit off more than I can chew. If all I had to do was work and do my homework, I would be fine.

As anyone who knows me already knows, the Heart Walk is coming up. I feel as if I'm letting the cause down, because I have no time to dedicate to it. Also, Snow Queen is coming up in November. Janel has already hassled be because I don't want to do too much prep work it since I already have a full plate.

Now I find out there is going to be a family reunion in October. Just great. As if I already don't have too much stuff going on!

Anyone wanting to take over my responsibilities with the Heart Walk, call me!

Summer is here!

Memorial Day. The official start of summer. Some people may be cheering or hoping it will be a break from the cold weather. Many are starting plans for the summer, whether it be a vacation, spending time at the river, or just getting out in the nice weather. This summer for me means a family reunion and my cousin's wedding.

Now, most people would think this is great and that it will be fun. It will not be that great for me! Why you may ask? Just think....a single girl amongst married people or engaged couples....yeah. I really don't have to spell it out. Everyone is going to ask me questions such as, "Why don't you have a boyfriend?" or "So, when are you getting married?"

I'm not sure what America's obsession is with everyone getting married or always having to be in a relationship. I know some people will always have to be in a relationship, but I simply am not one of those people! I have nothing against relationships, but I'm not going to make it a priority in my life. I have enough other things to do and worry about.

Furthermore, I'm not sold on this whole marriage bit. My parents to the public had a nice marriage and family. To their children, especially the daughters, we didn't see this. My dad was a control freak who could be very demeaning. His moods also changed swiftly. When I was a kid, I loved summer because it meant my dad would be gone all day long and not get home until I was going to bed. As he aged and realized he wasn't eternal, he started relaxing and enjoying life. Until the day my mom died, she did all of his laundry, cooking and cleaning. Even though she worked full time nights, she did all of this at home for my dad. He never truly appreciated her until she died. I always swore I would never let anyone treat me that way. Maybe that's why I have so many trust issues and I don't let people get too close to me.

As far as other relationships goes, none of these people at the family reunion or wedding have seen the single men in Pierre. Pierre is Freak Central!

I don't know why people gasp when someone over 25 is still single! I get to sleep in the middle of my own bed. I get to lounge in my pj's all day. I don't have to shave my legs on a regular basis. I can eat what I want and when I want. I can leave without having to tell someone where I'm going or for how long. I don't have to deal with other people's personal crap. I don't have to pick up after some one else. I don't have to deal with someone else's drama. I just get to be me without worrying about what someone else thinks of me. I only have to answer to me!

So, I'll be ducking certain relatives that always ask me why I'm still single and try to steer conversations away from this subject. Thank you, God, for giving me an older, single sister! I can tell them all to go bug her! Hee, hee!!!

Until next time folks....

Eeekkk!!!

In an hour and a half, I am going to give a presentation on women and heart disease to a group of 5-30 women. I am seriously nervous. I haven't done public speaking since I was in high school! I didn't have a lot of time to prepare, and I don't know how much information they want or need, or what kind, so I'm just winging it tonight. I know the information, I just don't know what information for sure they all want! I don't do well in front of large groups of people, so hopefully, there will only be a handful tonight. But since my luck isn't so great, I'm betting there will be a full house!!!!

Everyone please think of me and pray for me that tonight goes well!