Impulsive

Well, I couldn't decide what to title my post. So, I chose the song that I'm currently listening to: "Impulsive" by Wilson-Phillips. I realized it's been a year since I last posted! Yikes!

My year has been uneventful. Work, school, eat, sleep, repeat. I did take an awesome trip to California in June. It was my first airplane ride ever. I went to San Francisco, then San Jose for a conference for school. It was so awesome and I want to return someday soon.

Currently, I'm still in Aberdeen with NSU. Hopefully, I will soon be moving to the big city of Sioux Falls. I am hoping to transfer to their University Center. I want to change my major to Communications so I can do what I originally set out to do! Also, Aberdeen lacks good, quality jobs for evening time. That's when I have to work full time. SuFu has a better job market and more possibilities.

Next post will be more entertaining.....I promise. Maybe I should try to get some sleep. This insomnia is for the birds!!!!

Merry Christmas

Today was the first time I went to Christmas Eve mass that was not either in Onida or with my parents. I have never missed a Christmas Eve mass in all the years that I can remember. Sometimes when I was younger, we'd go to Blunt or Pierre if there was a scheduling problem and Onida didn't have one, but in the most recent past, I have always gone to Onida. It was a very weird feeling, and it didn't seem like Christmas Eve mass to me. I guess I'm used to the traditions of Onida. Some people may find this odd because I admit I haven't been very good about attending church on a regular basis, but that doesn't mean I'm any less spiritual. I have my reasons, and they aren't easy to explain in 500 words or fewer. I just don't want people to judge me, because they really don't understand or know what's going on inside my head.

Sometime tonight, a storm is supposed to be coming through. I hope it's not as bad as they are predicting because I have to work Christmas Day! I don't want to have to call anyone for a ride. The last time the maintenance man gave me a ride because of bad weather, he forgot to take me home!

As the new year is quickly approaching, I've been thinking of resolutions. I know I never keep them, and every year I resolve never to make resolutions, but I need to work on exercising more, studying more, and getting more involved in my world. I might as well start with the new year when I make these changes.

Fast Forward

Wow! I didn't realize how long it has been since I posted my last blog!

After meeting with my advisor for school, I really think I'm doing the right thing. I was a little worried for a while because I wasn't sure what I wanted to be, and I didn't want to be in school until I was 35! I'm excited again for school. Next semester will be the first time I take more than four classes. I'm taking five, and I will take a few over the summer as well.

I am also happy to report that I survived the anniversary of my mom's death without shedding a tear. I still remembered her, but it wasn't as heart breaking as years past. Maybe "time heals all wounds" isn't some corny line made up by a person who didn't know what else to tell their friend?

There isn't much to report. All I do is work, eat, sleep, and go to school. It's a little tiring, but I don't have many options.

This next weekend, our family is getting together, and I'm cooking a turkey! It might be scary. Details to follow....

If My Life Were a Book......

If my life were a biography book.....it would be so boring people would use it as coasters and door stops.

If my life were a children's book.....I would be the goofy looking kid with huge glasses and wild hair that everyone picks on.

If my life were a diet and health book.....people would die laughing.

If my life were a history book.....historians would be scratching their head wondering why my life could make history.

If my life were a mystery and crime book.....I would either be the victim or the crazy person who helps the main character solve the mystery.

If my life were a religion book.....I would be showcased as the person NOT to imitate.

If my life were a self-help book.....I would spout off useless information to other crazy quacks.

If my life were a romance book.....I should have married my prince a long time ago and be living happily ever after.

If my life were a science fiction book.....I would be the half troll-half leprechaun that lives under the bridge.

Unfortunately, my life will never be a bestseller. I can handle that. I don't mind not having drama. I don't like drama and Lord knows I've dealt with enough drama in my lifetime. Maybe though, I'll make the story of my life be more adventurous and carefree.

Happy Belated Independence Day!

Due to computer problems at my sister's house, I was unable to network and blog over the weekend of the 4th. I had a great time Friday getting fireworks, the fourth at a parade and fireworks later on, and spent the 5th at a 4-H rodeo and recouping. It was a long weekend with my niece and nephews. Even the nephew that calls me every day stopped listening to me! I wasn't even that harsh on them!

I am now back to Manorcare full time for the summer, and part-time during the school year. I'm glad to be back to one schedule, one shift, and one set of residents to know. Even though the other part-time job I had paid better, I am glad to know I will have hours and money!!!

I really, really want to move! I was thinking of waiting until next Spring, but I'm really thinking in January will be great. I feel like I'm walking in place at Northern. I love the school and campus, but it doesn't offer the programs I want. So in the meantime, I'm going to be working on my generals.

Celebrate Good Times!

Woohoo! Tonight was my last scheduled shift at a nursing home I recently started at very part-time. I know I just started, but it was a difficult place to work. They did things SO weird! I'm just so glad to be able to look at my schedule and know what I work instead of living out of my planner-trying to figure out when and where I'm going to work what days. It's been so exhausting.

Anyways....it's almost the 4th of July! I'm so excited this year for some reason. We're going to buy fireworks again this year and have a blast! (well, hopefully a safe blast.) I'm just so glad to be going back to my home area for a few days. I have so much I want to do and get done, but not enough time.

Happy Independence Day!!!!

Glitter Hands, Glitter Hands-Razzle Dazzle

Some days, wouldn't it be great to go back to being a kid? The days when you never thought summer would come, and when it finally did-you never sat still. I miss being able to explore the farm whenever I want or go for a bike ride to see if any of my friends are home. I used to go to the pool every single day and almost every single evening. The days were long and fun, and the possibilities were endless. I had no worries being a kid-well, except for the normal kid worries of making sure no one is mad at me or that I have cool friends. I would love to give up all the responsibilities in my life and let someone else do all the worrying and making sure bills are paid, food is cooked, and all I have to do is play instead of work. I wish I could do that all with the knowledge of what I know now.

Oh, to have three long wonderful, fun-filled, worry-free months!

God Bless America

Happy Memorial Day!

I start a part time job on Tuesday. I am so frustrated I can't find another job: either full- or part-time! When I first moved to Aberdeen, I was excited over all the job opportunities. Since I have lived in Aberdeen and been looking for a different, good job-there is not any available! Some times it just makes me want to scream!

Now I'm trying to decide what to do in life. Do I move to Nebraska? If so, do I move in January, or wait until after next Spring semester ends? What should I be when I grow up?

Oh, well. Guess I won't know until I am where I really want to be. Even though I'm closing in on 30, I have a lot of years to live and to figure out what I want to be and do in life.

I Want It All!!!!

So, I watched High School Musical, Three today, and now it's on again because Nick insisted. I think everyone should live like their life is a musical. People should sing and dance on a whim and not look at people funny. If you see someone break out in song and dance, you should join in-not try to commit them to a mental institute! It's too bad life isn't like a musical or a movie. Usually they have happy endings that come within an hour. I believe that everyone reaches their happy ending, but for some, it takes years. Others seem to walk in the light and get it all. While I'm always the one that all the weird, freaky, and bad things happen to, I still hope I have a happy ending!

New Year, New Me?

I'm settled in Aberdeen. I have an apartment one block from school, so that helps with my exercise plan! I'm still working as a CNA in a nursing home, but I'm hoping that will change soon. I have classes three days a week and I should be studying more than I am. With my work schedule, I just feel exhausted most of the time!

I feel as though I've made the right decision in attending school on campus. I'm anxiously awaiting graduation, though. I hope it will all be a breeze! The only part, besides my job, that I don't like is not knowing very many people. In Pierre, even though I didn't know a lot of people, I could go to Steven and Lisa's to hang out, go exercise at the Y, I knew where things were, what to do, etc. In Aberdeen, I don't have the close relationship with my coworkers like I did in Pierre. I don't know what to do in my down-time(when I actually have some).

I was going to take classes over the summer months, but I think this summer, I will get a job during the day time through the school hopefully-kind of an internship. I think a break from classes may be beneficial to me. It's also going to be a busy summer with weddings again. Too bad two weddings are on the same weekend in different states, so I can't go to the one in Pierre:(

My life is boring, but busy. Thanks for stopping by!

It's a New Year!!!!

Happy New Year!!! I hope everyone has a healthy and prosperous 2009!

I've made a few changes to my life since my last postings. My big news is that I'm moving! I'm only moving to Aberdeen so that I can attend college full-time on campus at Northern. I'm not necessarily thrilled with Aberdeen, but it's close to where I am now, so that I can visit a lot easier. I will also be working as a CNA again in a nursing home. I don't really care for this line of work, but it's conducive to working the schedule around my school schedule. I haven't found a place to live yet, but I hope to fix that this weekend!

When I have all the details, I'll write another post!

The Real Me

I don't know why, but last evening, into the wee hours of the morning, I had a self realization. What I'm missing most in my life is MUSIC! I love music. Sure I still listen to anything and everything, but I forgot how much enjoyment and enrichment I got in my life from playing music.

I used to play the keyboard or piano for relaxation or to help me think. I don't know when I stopped playing. Now it's almost a craving I have to play music. I also used to make it almost a hobby to learn new music and instruments. I bought a guitar several years ago that I still haven't sat down to learn, and I want to learn to play the drums.

I don't know why I stopped playing music, other than I was in a little "depression." I've really stopped and looked at what I've done and where I've been in my life, and I'm a little disappointed in myself. I let what I loved in life go by the wayside. I have let other people tell me what I should do in life. I don't take time for myself and what I want. Quite frankly, I'm getting sick of pleasing everyone else and always bending over backwards for everyone else.

I've decided it's time for me. I will do what I want, when I want, and to hell with everyone else. Easier said than done, but hey, a girl can hope. I'm just ready to move on to the next big thing.

Sully County's 125th

This past weekend, I did my duty and participated as much as I could in the Sully county Quasicentennial. It was a long, busy, but fun weekend!

Friday morning, I helped with the kids play day sponsored by the Sully co. Active Group. I do not know how teachers put up with that amount of hyper, snot nosed kids every day! Also, Friday I participated in the pedal tractor pull. Mallory got 1st for her division, and Austin got 2nd. They both now get to participate in the state event.

Friday night, during the rodeo, Austin participated in the "calf scramble." All the kids 10 and under were able to participate. They had to chase down 3 calves and try to get 1 of the 6 pieces of duct tape off them. Each piece of tape was numbered. Austin got number 4, which was the winning one! For his efforts, he won a new bike!

I went out Friday night, but I went out late. I was so bored because I didn't know anyone out all that well. Saturday night, I went out after the fireworks and met a coworker and her husband. We ended up running into a few other coworkers and we had a blast!

Saturday was busy with the parade, talent show, stick horse race, frying pan toss, horse rides and the poker run. I still haven't caught up on my sleep from the weekend!

Well, until next time.....

Family Reunion

I got back Saturday from the Moulton family reunion in the Black Hills. I got reaquainted with many of my relatives I haven't seen in over 10 years and I met new ones. It was a lot of fun seeing all of them again. We had relatives fly in from Florida, Michigan, Virginia, New Mexico, Colorado, North Dakota, Wyoming, Montana and possibly more states were represented.

I did however, not get a chance to catch up with my aunt and uncle, Ethel and Dutch's families. I talked to a few, but just never got a chance to catch up to them. I wish I would have gotten there on Wednesday. Maybe then I would have had more time to spend getting to know them also.

One of my mom's cousins had some old slides from her mother that she got put on a disc. We all got a copy. They were pictures of the Moulton family when my great aunts and uncles and grandparents were young. My mom was in a lot of them. They were from when she was probably about 13.

I finally looked at those pictures today, and I cried(yes, Janel. I know I made fun of you for doing the same thing!). My mom was a very expressive person. You could always tell a lot about her feelings on something by the way she looked or smiled. In these pictures, you could tell my mom was a handful and very much full of life. As I was looking at them, all I could think of was how she would never had dreamed how her life would end. In the pictures from when she was just a kid of maybe 5 with her cute curly hair and mischivous smile, you would never think someone could die the way she did. She never knew the heartache she would later face with the death of her own parents and relatives or the hardships of marrying a hard-headed man or struggling to raise a family on one income while trying to run the farm. All of this was running through my head as I was watching her and some of my closest relatives in pictures, flashing across my computer screen.

Then I stopped and realized how much my mother had. She experienced the birth of her 5 children and raised them to be law abiding, resourceful, respectful individuals, and parents. She was able to see 3 of her grandchildren come to life and she helped them grow spiritually as well as mentally. She was a well respected person. She would help out anyone in need. She gave love freely not just to her family, but to those she took care of and her friends and coworkers. Even though she died an untimely, tragic death, my mother left a legacy that is hard for anyone else to live up to. My mother set the bar high for us. Each of five kids are a part of her and she lives in us. She lives in us when we show love and compassion to those around us. She lives in us when we chose to do the right things, but also when we make mistakes and learn from them. I am my mother. She taught me everything she knew about life, it's struggles, how to love and show compassion, and taught me to be myself. I don't think she'll ever know how grateful I am to have had her as my mother and I hope some day I can be the person she was inside.

May 29th

Today I am a new aunt. My brother Jay(my younger, older brother) and his wife had a daughter. This is Jay's first and Julie's second, and her son is 17, so it's almost like starting over from the beginning for her.

People from work probably think I'm thinking of children. Bad! But I really do like kids, just not ones that I have to care for 24/7 and I definately would not like giving birth!

I went to see my new niece today. She was still in the nursery, so there are some perks to working at the hospital, like seeing all the babies. Never let a man describe a child to you. When Jay found me on 2nd floor, he told me she had brown hair that was about an inch long, blah, blah, blah. I go upstairs to the nursery and take off her pink hat, and her hair isn't all that long, and it's not brown! It's a dark blondish/reddish color all babies have! I was expecting to find her with a full head of hair! Men are very vague and nonobservant.

Of all my siblings, Jay is the one I feel least connected to. His personality is totally different than mine and he has a totally different outlook on life. If no one knew our parents or the rest of our siblings, they would swear we were brought up in two totally different homes. He is 7 years older than me, but my brother who is 10 years older than me is one of the few people I call on a regular basis.

All and all, I'd have to say I'm the only normal one in our family! I am surrounded by goobers and hicks! They are all crazy! (for those of you who are not my relatives, I am just writing this because usually it's only relatives that read this. The truth is, is that we are ALL crazy! Even the in-law's!)

When I was growing up, especially in my dad's family, I felt like I was just "one of Adolph's kids." Most of my aunts and uncles probably didn't know my name for sure, and never really talked to me until I was older or until after my mom died. I always swore that I would never have that kind of relationship with my nieces and nephews. I always swore that they would know me, and I would know them. They would know that they could count on me no matter what, and that I'd always be in their corner. I have a very good relationship(mostly) with Janel's kids, and Blaire too, now that Steven is divorced from her mom. I worry that I won't have that relationship with Paige because Jay and I are so different, and the only thing we have in common is family. I don't think Jay really knows what kind of person I am or have become. I feel that he still thinks of me as the bratty girl who everyone thought got her way all the time. (So not true!) I just hope that won't get in the way of me forming a relationship with Paige. I guess we will have to wait to see! I know that is something my parents would really like, and I know what my mom would be doing right now.........knitting a blanket!

Until next time kiddies!

Memorial Day

Last Monday was Memorial Day, and I just realized that I never even thought about putting flowers on my parents graves like I always do! I was working the entire weekend, so I don't know if it's that, or if I'm truly moving on.

I've noticed lately that most of my thoughts of my parents are memories, but don't make me upset or feel like crying. I don't even think of them on a regular basis anymore. When I do talk about them, it's only about memories from childhood or good memories. I still avoid talking about them to people who don't know me very well. That's mostly because they all think I'm really sad, depressed, or missing them.

I wish people would stop thinking that just because I'm talking about my parents that they need to feel sympathetic to me. They were a part of my life for over 23 years, so of course I'm going to talk about them! When people don't talk about their family or friends who have died, that's when I think people should worry. They probably aren't accepting the fact of death. Yes, I still miss my parents, but life moves on, and I can't dwell in the past. I miss what my life was like before. I miss being carefree and always being able to call my mom with questions or her opinions, but I still carry her knowledge on the many subjects. I am my mother. If anyone knew my mom and her true personality, you would know I'm almost her exact replica! That fact doesn't make me sad or emotional, it just makes me laugh! Growing up, you never want to be like your mother, but I am! As my dad used to tell me, "Mirror, mirror, on the wall. I am my mother after all!" I usually don't talk about my dad. To me, he was just a dad. My mom though was also my friend and I knew she would stand behind me unconditionally without asking questions.

I usually remember my parents throughout the year on other days than Memorial Day, but this day was important to my mom, and she always put flowers on the graves of all her relatives. I do feel bad that I didn't get flowers on the graves in Onida like she would have, but I'm also happy that I know I'm moving on!

Spring: the new Winter!

Okay, it's supposedly "Spring." So what's up with the cold temps and snow and ice? Mother Nature is playing cruel tricks again! My hands are freezing, my jacket is almost too thin, and I just want it to be warm!

I was at the hospital tonight. When I left, some little man rode his rusty old bike up the the steps of the old part of the hospital, dug through the garbage, and sat down to "rest." I don't know if he's planning on sleeping there or what, but I find that very sad in today's society! But that's for another blog.

Well, I'm hoping it heats up soon. I'm tired of freezing and losing my mittens!

Until next time, kiddies.........

Birthdays.....

Whatever happened to the days when we looked forward to our birthdays. We always had birthday parties and invited friends over to share cake and play games. Why do we stop having these celebrations?

Recently, I turned 27. I know it's by no means elderly, but 30 is closing in fast, and I am no where near where I wanted to be by the time I was 30.

My biggest regret is quitting college. Now I'm trying to figure out how I can be a full time online student and work full time and keep my part time job and still have extra money every month. So for anyone contemplating quitting college - DON'T DO IT! Either stick it out or transfer schools!

I'm sure a lot of people think that I want to be married by the time I'm 30. Wrong! I have long figured out that marriage and children are not for me. Everytime I hear a child crying or misbehaving, I'm very glad I don't have children. I'm not saying I will never marry or have children, it's just not a priority in my life.

I feel as if my life has flown by. I also feel like I have not lived my life to it's full potential. I know I let other people's feelings and opinions shape my life. I'm also too afraid of failure to put myself out there in the world. When I die, I want to have done everything I have ever wanted to do in life and have no regrets.

Another huge factor in my life is my parents. I never thought that by the time I was 24 I would have buried both my parents and been completely on my own by then. I have experienced so many emotions in the last 5 years that I feel like I'm mentally exhausted. The two emotions I have yet to experience in the last several years has been peace and true happiness.

Since 30 is knocking on my door, I have decided to set a few goals for myself in the next few years. I plan to return to college. Even if it takes everything I have, I want to do it for me. I want to be at peace with my parents death. I want to go for a long time without feeling negative effects from their deaths. I want to travel to a foreign country. It may only be Canada, but I want to see someone else's culture. Those are the 3 big ones I'm working on. I have a few other things on my list like get a tattoo and jump out of an airplane, but I'm going to keep on working on that list. So please wish me luck in the next 3 years!!!!!!