It's So Hard To Say Goodbye to Yesterday

It seems that lately, there has been so much tragedy and sadness. My best friend from grade school and another good friend and former coworker are currently battling cancer. A friend and old coworker just passed away and will be buried today. Some of my other friends are hurting because of the death of a friend and coworker. It reminds me of a song that I recently heard called, "Blessings." The song talks about how our trials are our mercies in disguise. We don't know any reason, but we have to believe that there is an underlying reason for our trials because there are so many blessings that we receive every single second. Some of these blessings are not evident unless you look deep inside your soul and listen.

My friend Darlene that will be laid to rest today was a wonderful woman that I met ten years ago when we were both doing hospital orientation. Later on, we both worked at a local nursing home, and Darlene became good friends with my mom. Darlene and my mom were kindred spirits and had similar interests and views. She always looked out for others around her. I'm ashamed at myself for not keeping in touch with her since she moved out to the hills. I hope she and my mom are in heaven reminicing about the good times.

Our time on Earth is so precious and short. We have the burden and responsibility to try to make it a better place for everyone. Our time will end here. It could be today or 50 years from now. It's time for me to live my life because who knows what tomorrow will bring.

Impulsive

Well, I couldn't decide what to title my post. So, I chose the song that I'm currently listening to: "Impulsive" by Wilson-Phillips. I realized it's been a year since I last posted! Yikes!

My year has been uneventful. Work, school, eat, sleep, repeat. I did take an awesome trip to California in June. It was my first airplane ride ever. I went to San Francisco, then San Jose for a conference for school. It was so awesome and I want to return someday soon.

Currently, I'm still in Aberdeen with NSU. Hopefully, I will soon be moving to the big city of Sioux Falls. I am hoping to transfer to their University Center. I want to change my major to Communications so I can do what I originally set out to do! Also, Aberdeen lacks good, quality jobs for evening time. That's when I have to work full time. SuFu has a better job market and more possibilities.

Next post will be more entertaining.....I promise. Maybe I should try to get some sleep. This insomnia is for the birds!!!!

....and the beat goes on.....

So, not much has been happening since I last blogged. I finished the semester off with making the dean's list. I'm taking a class this summer online, but I'm hoping to change schools. I don't want to leave my professors and friends I'm making in my department, but sometimes, a person just needs to do what they need to do. I'm considering two different colleges that I can get all of my classes online! After getting that set up, then I'm free to live wherever I want to live. The only problem is, I'm not sure where that place is. Any suggestions?

Happy Birthday Mom.

Yesterday would have been my mom's 66th birthday. While I miss her every day, I feel like she's in Heaven looking down on us. I can't help but think about what my mom would think about me going to school. Would she come visit me often? Would she come and support the NSU clubs and sports? Would I have even gone back to school had she still been alive?

I've come to realize that I miss my mom for the person she was, not just because she was my mother. She was my biggest fan, a great friend, and another person who willingly would go on any adventure I proposed.

I hope she had a great birthday in Heaven.

Merry Christmas

Today was the first time I went to Christmas Eve mass that was not either in Onida or with my parents. I have never missed a Christmas Eve mass in all the years that I can remember. Sometimes when I was younger, we'd go to Blunt or Pierre if there was a scheduling problem and Onida didn't have one, but in the most recent past, I have always gone to Onida. It was a very weird feeling, and it didn't seem like Christmas Eve mass to me. I guess I'm used to the traditions of Onida. Some people may find this odd because I admit I haven't been very good about attending church on a regular basis, but that doesn't mean I'm any less spiritual. I have my reasons, and they aren't easy to explain in 500 words or fewer. I just don't want people to judge me, because they really don't understand or know what's going on inside my head.

Sometime tonight, a storm is supposed to be coming through. I hope it's not as bad as they are predicting because I have to work Christmas Day! I don't want to have to call anyone for a ride. The last time the maintenance man gave me a ride because of bad weather, he forgot to take me home!

As the new year is quickly approaching, I've been thinking of resolutions. I know I never keep them, and every year I resolve never to make resolutions, but I need to work on exercising more, studying more, and getting more involved in my world. I might as well start with the new year when I make these changes.

Big Sigh

It's officially the end of the fall term! I spent the last week studying for exams, and I don't think I did very well at all. I couldn't seem to collect my thoughts and absorb the information. I think I will pass all my classes, I just won't have high marks in several of them. However, I got an A in College Algebra. That was one of the classes I was most dreading. I will have to rain a bit on my parade because I didn't take the final exam and the professor changed the grading system. Technically, I should have gotten a B, but I'm glad the system got changed. He made the final optional. If we were happy with our grade before the final, then we didn't have to take it. He also only took the three highest grades out of four tests to average the points.

I am excited for next semester. I'm taking a huge leap by adding more classes than in previous semesters. I will be taking six classes. Usually I only take four. My classes will be more focused on my intended degrees, well, except for Speech, but I just needed to get that out of the way and done. I am hoping to take summer courses also so I can be done with all my generals. I just hope they offer what I need. I still have to take my blasted wellness class.....argh!!!!

I've got a couple of weeks until classes start again. Hopefully I can relax and rest up. I may be picking up shifts at the nursing home in Pierre since Manorcare is overly staffed and a little low on census. We'll have to wait and see how everything works out!

Bon soir!

December

It's the beginning of December-which marks the beginning of a very busy month!

Last weekend was when all my siblings got together to visit and have a family dinner. It's very rare that every one of us are able to get together, so it was very nice. I made a turkey for the first time ever! I thought I would totally ruin it, but other than the fact that Karla didn't see the giblets inside and they got cooked with the turkey, it turned out okay.

Next week is finals. I'm a little leery about a few of them. Luckily, my college algebra final is optional. I currently have a B in it, and I'm fine with that! I just hope I pass all my classes. They aren't very fun this semester, and I do not want to retake any of them! I'm excited for next semester classes because they seem all very interesting.

The weekend after finals, I will be watching Janel's kids overnight while they go to Deadwood for Mike's company Christmas party. It will be interesting! Hopefully, they will be on their best behaviors!

I'm not sure what I'll be doing for Christmas this year. I know I work Christmas Day, but I am off Christmas Eve. My cousin who lives not too far from me has invited me down, but I don't know what their plans are either.

Soon will be New Years. I never do anything on New Years, so I'm not sure if I will work, go out, leave town, or what I will do. Whatever it is, I hope to have fun!

Fast Forward

Wow! I didn't realize how long it has been since I posted my last blog!

After meeting with my advisor for school, I really think I'm doing the right thing. I was a little worried for a while because I wasn't sure what I wanted to be, and I didn't want to be in school until I was 35! I'm excited again for school. Next semester will be the first time I take more than four classes. I'm taking five, and I will take a few over the summer as well.

I am also happy to report that I survived the anniversary of my mom's death without shedding a tear. I still remembered her, but it wasn't as heart breaking as years past. Maybe "time heals all wounds" isn't some corny line made up by a person who didn't know what else to tell their friend?

There isn't much to report. All I do is work, eat, sleep, and go to school. It's a little tiring, but I don't have many options.

This next weekend, our family is getting together, and I'm cooking a turkey! It might be scary. Details to follow....

And the World Still Spins Madly On....

I've been very melancholy lately. I'm not sure if it's the Earth tilting and changing pressures and seasons in the air; if it's because it's almost the anniversary of my mother's death; or, if it's because I'm worried about my future plans.

I'm worried about my future because I'm so old to be going to school, and I worry that life will pass by while I'm trying to educate and better myself. All I do is work and go to school. I don't have many friends nearby and I'm not volunteering like I used to-all ways that I stayed in touch with the "real world."

Today, one of my old coworker's nephews was killed in a hunting accident. He was 14 years old. All I could think of was my oldest nephew Austin who absolutely loves hunting. My friend, Tammy was close to him and is having a hard time, as is the rest of his family. It brings up memories and feelings from years past. I hope Tammy's family can move on and find peace.

It's almost 4 a.m. and I'm still awake! I've been sleeping a lot lately and I think it's because I've been so melancholy. The other night I had a melt down and did not sleep well at all. I think I'm feeling too sorry for myself. I just wish I could be the person I used to be. I was looking at pictures of myself as a young girl and I'm always smiling, enjoying life, being naive. I wish I was that happy again and enjoy life's little wonders. I sometimes wonder if I will ever learn to be happy again and not fake it. Just when I think I'm making headway in life, life throws me curveballs and I'm having meltdowns again. GRRRRRR!

And the Crowd Goes Wild!!!!!

So, one of my two fans recently complained because I'm a boring blogger and don't blog enough. Sorry I'm a boring person. I admit to it! But I will try to keep you better informed....

I think idiots follow me. Tonight, every single aide I worked with, was an idiot. It's irritating to me when people don't think of the full spectrum of their job and how their incompetence and laziness effects everyone. I also hate the people who think they know everything, and us humble people always have to clean up after them because they are so dumb. ARRRGGHHH!!!!

But on a positive note, USD finally released my hold so I could finish my registration for classes. I tried to get a response from them for over a month. Finally, I sent a kind of mean letter with information they received that they should have released me from the hold a month ago. After receiving the letter, they miraculously released my hold. I love being mean and firm!

Next up is trying to decide what to be when I grow up. Any suggestions from the crowd is appreciated.

Ten Years.....How Much Do People Change?

In a couple weeks, my class is having their ten year class reunion. I have mixed emotions about this. I want to go, but yet I don't.

I don't want to go because I really don't remember much about school, and the people who are all going to be their weren't necessarily people I've ever considered friends. I also think a lot will be talking about dumb stuff from high school. My old classmates also perceived me as being a certain type of person. Will they see that they were wrong all these years? Will they think I'm the same "quiet" person I was ten years ago? Will they really care if I attend? Will they try to understand the person I have become and decisions I have made in my life? Will anyone even care?

I want to attend the reunion because I want to reconnect with classmates and see where life's road has led them. I want to see what everyone is doing.

I don't know what to do. However, the decision may be made by whether or not I can find someone to work the weekend for me.

If My Life Were a Book......

If my life were a biography book.....it would be so boring people would use it as coasters and door stops.

If my life were a children's book.....I would be the goofy looking kid with huge glasses and wild hair that everyone picks on.

If my life were a diet and health book.....people would die laughing.

If my life were a history book.....historians would be scratching their head wondering why my life could make history.

If my life were a mystery and crime book.....I would either be the victim or the crazy person who helps the main character solve the mystery.

If my life were a religion book.....I would be showcased as the person NOT to imitate.

If my life were a self-help book.....I would spout off useless information to other crazy quacks.

If my life were a romance book.....I should have married my prince a long time ago and be living happily ever after.

If my life were a science fiction book.....I would be the half troll-half leprechaun that lives under the bridge.

Unfortunately, my life will never be a bestseller. I can handle that. I don't mind not having drama. I don't like drama and Lord knows I've dealt with enough drama in my lifetime. Maybe though, I'll make the story of my life be more adventurous and carefree.

Happy Belated Independence Day!

Due to computer problems at my sister's house, I was unable to network and blog over the weekend of the 4th. I had a great time Friday getting fireworks, the fourth at a parade and fireworks later on, and spent the 5th at a 4-H rodeo and recouping. It was a long weekend with my niece and nephews. Even the nephew that calls me every day stopped listening to me! I wasn't even that harsh on them!

I am now back to Manorcare full time for the summer, and part-time during the school year. I'm glad to be back to one schedule, one shift, and one set of residents to know. Even though the other part-time job I had paid better, I am glad to know I will have hours and money!!!

I really, really want to move! I was thinking of waiting until next Spring, but I'm really thinking in January will be great. I feel like I'm walking in place at Northern. I love the school and campus, but it doesn't offer the programs I want. So in the meantime, I'm going to be working on my generals.

Celebrate Good Times!

Woohoo! Tonight was my last scheduled shift at a nursing home I recently started at very part-time. I know I just started, but it was a difficult place to work. They did things SO weird! I'm just so glad to be able to look at my schedule and know what I work instead of living out of my planner-trying to figure out when and where I'm going to work what days. It's been so exhausting.

Anyways....it's almost the 4th of July! I'm so excited this year for some reason. We're going to buy fireworks again this year and have a blast! (well, hopefully a safe blast.) I'm just so glad to be going back to my home area for a few days. I have so much I want to do and get done, but not enough time.

Happy Independence Day!!!!

Happy Fathers Day!

Fathers Day....just another day on the calendar, but a day to remember fathers. I am horrible and never remember these little "holidays."

My father wasn't someone who would want a big show of a day just for him. He wasn't flashy or self-centered. He was a man that was proud, honest, and very family- and faith-oriented. I have learned many things from my father over the years. A lot of what I have learned has been what not to do in life or how not to treat people, but I also learned quite a few lessons. One of the most important and relavent lessons my dad taught me was to work hard. No matter how good or bad of a job you had, you should always do your very best. If your job was to clean up cow poop, be the best poop cleaner ever. I have taken this lesson with me in life. As all my fans know by now, I am just returning to college so that I can find a career that I will be good at and enjoy. Over the last ten years, I have had a lot of not so nice jobs. Even though they aren't glamorous, I always try to do my best and try to make changes to my job to improve what I am doing. I hope it has paid off in the long run.

Another lesson my dad taught me was the importance of family. No matter where life takes you, however bad it gets, you always have family. Many times I have not gone to parties, to bars, or whatever else other people are doing-if it involves a conflict with something going on in my family. Sure, I've skipped out on reunions or little parties here and there-but I always try to put my family first. This also includes my extended family. In the recent years, I have learned how important it is to have my extended family and I have developed a deep respect for them. I got an email from my aunt today. She recently had knee surgery and had some problems with it. While she was dealing with that, her daughter was diagnosed with breast cancer. She helped her daughter through the chemo. She wrote to me that she wanted to be the one going through it and not watch her daughter-even though she is well over 40-go through all that pain and suffering. My aunt's husband died from cancer about two years ago. She has been through a lot. I can only keep her and her family in my prayers because I don't know what else to do for them other than to be there and be supportive.

Glitter Hands, Glitter Hands-Razzle Dazzle

Some days, wouldn't it be great to go back to being a kid? The days when you never thought summer would come, and when it finally did-you never sat still. I miss being able to explore the farm whenever I want or go for a bike ride to see if any of my friends are home. I used to go to the pool every single day and almost every single evening. The days were long and fun, and the possibilities were endless. I had no worries being a kid-well, except for the normal kid worries of making sure no one is mad at me or that I have cool friends. I would love to give up all the responsibilities in my life and let someone else do all the worrying and making sure bills are paid, food is cooked, and all I have to do is play instead of work. I wish I could do that all with the knowledge of what I know now.

Oh, to have three long wonderful, fun-filled, worry-free months!

O Say Can You See By the Dawns Early Light

This morning I finally attended the Sully County Memorial Day Program. Every year, I was supposed to attend with my mom. Every year, something came up, so finally this year, we went and went to all of the festivities except the free lunch. Unfortunately, there weren't a lot of people in attendance. That is really too bad because I think all citizens should show more patriotism. Memorial Day is not just another day off, it's a day to reflect and honor all the service men and people who have died. The people who have changed and shaped our world-even if it was just a little bit. Another sad part is the lack of young people who recognize Memorial Day by putting flowers out on graves. When I was a child, my mom would drive over 40 miles one way to put flowers on relatives graves in other towns. Some of the relatives she had never met, but still honored her descendants. Even the cemetery in Onida didn't have as many flowers out on graves as they did when I was a kid. Most of the people who always put flowers out have either moved or died. The sad part about our upcoming generations is the lack of honor, pride, and patriotism of our country and family. How can people really understand who they are until they know where they've come from?

I came from two honorable families. The Jonas side of the family understands the importance of family and we get together every year for a reunion. Mom's side of the family is more spread out and we don't get together as much as we would all like, but our mom has made sure we know who our family was and where they came from. Knowing my family history has made me a better person and it makes me want to uphold the family names and legacy.

God Bless America

Happy Memorial Day!

I start a part time job on Tuesday. I am so frustrated I can't find another job: either full- or part-time! When I first moved to Aberdeen, I was excited over all the job opportunities. Since I have lived in Aberdeen and been looking for a different, good job-there is not any available! Some times it just makes me want to scream!

Now I'm trying to decide what to do in life. Do I move to Nebraska? If so, do I move in January, or wait until after next Spring semester ends? What should I be when I grow up?

Oh, well. Guess I won't know until I am where I really want to be. Even though I'm closing in on 30, I have a lot of years to live and to figure out what I want to be and do in life.

The World Spins Madly On

I'm getting super nervous. Tomorrow is my last day of work at my current full time job. I have filled out lots of applications, but have not heard from anyone for an interview. What if no one wants to hire me? What if no one likes me? I'm scared, yet excited about what the future holds for me. I don't know if that makes sense or not, but I've always been very careful in life. Never in my past would I have quit a job without securing a different job first. It's totally unlike me, but like the carefree me that I haven't shown in a long time. Please everyone pray for me that I find a good job that I will enjoy!

Better Days

So, I quit my full time job, and I'm not sure what's next in life. It's kind of exciting yet scary at the same time. I love living my life like it's one big adventure, but there's a practical side of me that keeps nagging at the back of my mind telling me I need to do something soon. I am picking up shifts at the nursing home, but I hope things fall into place and I get an awesome job soon.