I Want It All!!!!

So, I watched High School Musical, Three today, and now it's on again because Nick insisted. I think everyone should live like their life is a musical. People should sing and dance on a whim and not look at people funny. If you see someone break out in song and dance, you should join in-not try to commit them to a mental institute! It's too bad life isn't like a musical or a movie. Usually they have happy endings that come within an hour. I believe that everyone reaches their happy ending, but for some, it takes years. Others seem to walk in the light and get it all. While I'm always the one that all the weird, freaky, and bad things happen to, I still hope I have a happy ending!

The Time of My Life.

I'm currently listening to David Cook's "Time of My Life." I am conflicted in life. There is so much I want to do and experience, but I don't know where to start or how to fund it! I'm almost 100% sure I'm moving either in January when my lease is up or after Spring '10 semester. I'm not ready to give up on all the college courses on a regular campus, so even though I'll be taking a break from Northern for a few years, I hope to be back to continue my education. I've decided that I can do what I want, I don't have to pick one career and that's all I'm going to do in life. I just want to start somewhere that I can have a higher paid job sooner so that I don't feel so poor in life. Now all I want to do is tap my heels together and it be later on so that I don't have to worry about breaking a lease. I love going on these adventures in life. Where I stop, nobody knows-not even me!

Maybe this all means something.

The title of this blog entry is a phrase in a song. I don't know if it applies to my life, but I just like that phrase. Maybe this all means something....maybe I was "meant" to take time off before going back to school; maybe I was "meant" to work where I am with my co-workers and meeting these people and learning from them and forming new bonds; maybe I wasn't "meant" to be idle and stay just in one place. I'm fulfilling my destiny, but I don't know what my destiny is! I feel like a gypsy because I want to go everywhere, do everything, and enjoy life!

I'm thinking of moving-but not until next year after my lease expires-to go to a different school in a different location with different people and different job options. I'm kind of excited and want the year to pass by quickly! I don't know if what I want to go to school for is the best option for me, but I need to try. Even if it ends in failure, at least I gave it my all-and that's all that really matters. I don't want to live my life like I have for the past five years--waiting for something good to come along. I didn't realize at the time that's what I was doing, now I want to be proactive and get out of my slump!

I have so many things I want to do in life! I used to think I was getting too old to do what I wanted, but really, I have years to accomplish my goals. I don't have to have them all accomplished before I'm 30, 35, or even 50! Life's good....it's now time for me to bask in the sunlight of life!

New Year, New Me?

I'm settled in Aberdeen. I have an apartment one block from school, so that helps with my exercise plan! I'm still working as a CNA in a nursing home, but I'm hoping that will change soon. I have classes three days a week and I should be studying more than I am. With my work schedule, I just feel exhausted most of the time!

I feel as though I've made the right decision in attending school on campus. I'm anxiously awaiting graduation, though. I hope it will all be a breeze! The only part, besides my job, that I don't like is not knowing very many people. In Pierre, even though I didn't know a lot of people, I could go to Steven and Lisa's to hang out, go exercise at the Y, I knew where things were, what to do, etc. In Aberdeen, I don't have the close relationship with my coworkers like I did in Pierre. I don't know what to do in my down-time(when I actually have some).

I was going to take classes over the summer months, but I think this summer, I will get a job during the day time through the school hopefully-kind of an internship. I think a break from classes may be beneficial to me. It's also going to be a busy summer with weddings again. Too bad two weddings are on the same weekend in different states, so I can't go to the one in Pierre:(

My life is boring, but busy. Thanks for stopping by!

It's a New Year!!!!

Happy New Year!!! I hope everyone has a healthy and prosperous 2009!

I've made a few changes to my life since my last postings. My big news is that I'm moving! I'm only moving to Aberdeen so that I can attend college full-time on campus at Northern. I'm not necessarily thrilled with Aberdeen, but it's close to where I am now, so that I can visit a lot easier. I will also be working as a CNA again in a nursing home. I don't really care for this line of work, but it's conducive to working the schedule around my school schedule. I haven't found a place to live yet, but I hope to fix that this weekend!

When I have all the details, I'll write another post!

hmmmmmm

It's me again!!!! I'm still at a crossroads in life. I think I know what I want to go to school for, but I have to move. The schools I might me interested in attending that offers what I want include Northern, USD, University of Wyoming, and University of NE, Kearney. Now my only problem is, where do I want to go, and can I find a job in that town.

My next big delimma is that finals are coming up soon. What happens if I fail, what if I bomb the tests? I feel as if I'm absorbing the information, but I don't do so well on tests!

What's a girl to do?

November 3rd

November 3rd....just another day on the calendar, but not for me. Today marks the 5th anniversary(if you can call it that) of my mother's death. I normally take this day off from work, feel bad about my life, myself, and where my life has gone in the last five years. I usually start feeling melancholy on Halloween. I always try to cheer myself up at Halloween by wearing a costume to work and having lots of treats. By November 3rd, I usually just feel like crap, and usually the rest of fall until Christmas time.

I really think I'm making progress. Today, I did not cry. I did not want to just curl up and shut out the world. I did not think of all the bad stuff. I did not pity myself. Today was like any other day off. I worked on my homework, picked on my niece and nephews, and was just me today. My day seemed to fly by and seemed busy, so it wasn't until I was driving home from Onida that I did some deep thinking. I realized that even though it has been a rough five years for me, life is starting to look up. I don't feel sad when I think of my mom, I think of what a wonderful person she was, not about her untimely and tragic death. The only morose I feel is that I never told her how important she was to me. I may not have known it either had she not died. I now think of how I should live my life and what I should do to experience it fully so that when we meet again some day, we will have so much to discuss. I don't feel as if I have lost my mother spiritually-I feel her presence in me every day. I know she is in a better place. I know she's in Heaven because I know how she felt, how she loved, how she treated others. My mother is truly an angel-first on earth, now in Heaven.

I'm not saying I'm forgetting my mom-I'm at peace with how life has changed. Even though I may never understand all the reasons why, I have faith in my parents and God, and that's enough for me.