Being an Adult Sucks......

I am sitting at home, frustrated in life. I don't really like my job. I'm trying to take college classes as well as work. I'm bored in life. I want to move and experience new things.

Here's my dilemma. I don't know where I want to move. It can't be too far from where I am now. I don't know what I want to be when I grow up, so I don't know what to major in. Whatever I decide to major in, I need to be living in a town or very close to a college that offers that degree. I want to find a different job that pays better and is more consistent with the hours. I want a second job that is consistent with hours. Unfortunately, none of what I want is offered in Pierre.

Now I am frustrated, want to pull my hair out, feel like crying, all because I'm at a crossroads. I think I've been at these crossroads for a while, but now I just want to move on. I wish I knew the answers as to what I should do, where I should go, who I should become. All I know is that what I'm doing now, where I am now, and who I am now are not working for me.

Busy, Busy

So, I decided I was procrastinating enough, and I am a full time online student through USD. I'm now thinking I bit off more than I can chew. If all I had to do was work and do my homework, I would be fine.

As anyone who knows me already knows, the Heart Walk is coming up. I feel as if I'm letting the cause down, because I have no time to dedicate to it. Also, Snow Queen is coming up in November. Janel has already hassled be because I don't want to do too much prep work it since I already have a full plate.

Now I find out there is going to be a family reunion in October. Just great. As if I already don't have too much stuff going on!

Anyone wanting to take over my responsibilities with the Heart Walk, call me!

The Real Me

I don't know why, but last evening, into the wee hours of the morning, I had a self realization. What I'm missing most in my life is MUSIC! I love music. Sure I still listen to anything and everything, but I forgot how much enjoyment and enrichment I got in my life from playing music.

I used to play the keyboard or piano for relaxation or to help me think. I don't know when I stopped playing. Now it's almost a craving I have to play music. I also used to make it almost a hobby to learn new music and instruments. I bought a guitar several years ago that I still haven't sat down to learn, and I want to learn to play the drums.

I don't know why I stopped playing music, other than I was in a little "depression." I've really stopped and looked at what I've done and where I've been in my life, and I'm a little disappointed in myself. I let what I loved in life go by the wayside. I have let other people tell me what I should do in life. I don't take time for myself and what I want. Quite frankly, I'm getting sick of pleasing everyone else and always bending over backwards for everyone else.

I've decided it's time for me. I will do what I want, when I want, and to hell with everyone else. Easier said than done, but hey, a girl can hope. I'm just ready to move on to the next big thing.

Sully County's 125th

This past weekend, I did my duty and participated as much as I could in the Sully county Quasicentennial. It was a long, busy, but fun weekend!

Friday morning, I helped with the kids play day sponsored by the Sully co. Active Group. I do not know how teachers put up with that amount of hyper, snot nosed kids every day! Also, Friday I participated in the pedal tractor pull. Mallory got 1st for her division, and Austin got 2nd. They both now get to participate in the state event.

Friday night, during the rodeo, Austin participated in the "calf scramble." All the kids 10 and under were able to participate. They had to chase down 3 calves and try to get 1 of the 6 pieces of duct tape off them. Each piece of tape was numbered. Austin got number 4, which was the winning one! For his efforts, he won a new bike!

I went out Friday night, but I went out late. I was so bored because I didn't know anyone out all that well. Saturday night, I went out after the fireworks and met a coworker and her husband. We ended up running into a few other coworkers and we had a blast!

Saturday was busy with the parade, talent show, stick horse race, frying pan toss, horse rides and the poker run. I still haven't caught up on my sleep from the weekend!

Well, until next time.....

Weddings, Family and Alcohol

I just got back this afternoon from my cousin, Casey's wedding. It took place by Gary's cabin out in Lead. It turned out to be a great day, even if the sun was mostly in my eyes.

I'm not much of a sappy person in public, but I glance up to where Casey stood when Andrea came down the hill. Casey was trying so hard to contain himself, but he was crying. All I could do after that was to cry.

I love getting together with family, and especially at weddings! Everyone's drinking (but not drunk) and relaxed, and everyone DANCES! Even though there were only a few danceable songs, we had a blast! Too bad there won't be any weddings again soon!

Family Reunion

I got back Saturday from the Moulton family reunion in the Black Hills. I got reaquainted with many of my relatives I haven't seen in over 10 years and I met new ones. It was a lot of fun seeing all of them again. We had relatives fly in from Florida, Michigan, Virginia, New Mexico, Colorado, North Dakota, Wyoming, Montana and possibly more states were represented.

I did however, not get a chance to catch up with my aunt and uncle, Ethel and Dutch's families. I talked to a few, but just never got a chance to catch up to them. I wish I would have gotten there on Wednesday. Maybe then I would have had more time to spend getting to know them also.

One of my mom's cousins had some old slides from her mother that she got put on a disc. We all got a copy. They were pictures of the Moulton family when my great aunts and uncles and grandparents were young. My mom was in a lot of them. They were from when she was probably about 13.

I finally looked at those pictures today, and I cried(yes, Janel. I know I made fun of you for doing the same thing!). My mom was a very expressive person. You could always tell a lot about her feelings on something by the way she looked or smiled. In these pictures, you could tell my mom was a handful and very much full of life. As I was looking at them, all I could think of was how she would never had dreamed how her life would end. In the pictures from when she was just a kid of maybe 5 with her cute curly hair and mischivous smile, you would never think someone could die the way she did. She never knew the heartache she would later face with the death of her own parents and relatives or the hardships of marrying a hard-headed man or struggling to raise a family on one income while trying to run the farm. All of this was running through my head as I was watching her and some of my closest relatives in pictures, flashing across my computer screen.

Then I stopped and realized how much my mother had. She experienced the birth of her 5 children and raised them to be law abiding, resourceful, respectful individuals, and parents. She was able to see 3 of her grandchildren come to life and she helped them grow spiritually as well as mentally. She was a well respected person. She would help out anyone in need. She gave love freely not just to her family, but to those she took care of and her friends and coworkers. Even though she died an untimely, tragic death, my mother left a legacy that is hard for anyone else to live up to. My mother set the bar high for us. Each of five kids are a part of her and she lives in us. She lives in us when we show love and compassion to those around us. She lives in us when we chose to do the right things, but also when we make mistakes and learn from them. I am my mother. She taught me everything she knew about life, it's struggles, how to love and show compassion, and taught me to be myself. I don't think she'll ever know how grateful I am to have had her as my mother and I hope some day I can be the person she was inside.

My So-Called Friends

Do you have any idea how frustrating it is to make plans with a friend, days if not weeks in advance, and then the day of your planned event, even though you talked to them several times about your plans that same day, they never show up!

I am a very understanding person. I understand that sometimes, things come up. Sometimes, you just change your mind and don't want to follow the plans. Sometimes, you lose track of time. But with all of these circumstances, YOU SHOULD CALL!!!! Right? I don't care if someone decides they want to change their mind, but don't leave me hanging! I don't have many days or evenings off, so when I do, it's a big thing for me to make plans to do something different! I love going out and doing different things and trying different things. I love seeing old friends. I was so pumped tonight to be doing something different, and where I was going, I really wanted to show my friend. Instead, I spent the evening pissed off! I think I would be in a better mood if she had called to cancel, instead of leaving me hanging!

It also would be different if this were the first time. It's not. This "friend" of mine stood me up before for the bullnanza a couple of years ago. She stood me up for a murder mystery party on the Capital city Queen, and the tickets were $20 each! I know there have been many other instances, but each time, I forgive her and ignore it. She never apologizes or even acknowledges we had plans. Every time she stands me up, had I known she didn't want to go, I would have went on my own, or found someone else to accompany me, but it's a little late when you are expecting them right before the event starts!

It is very hard for me to make friends. I don't consider very many people my close friends. So, when someone does this to me, it makes me feel like crap. I'm irritable, crabby and very emotional. I don't know why, other than she let me down, again. It makes me feel low, like I have no friends, or that I'm not a very interesting person. I give myself freely to other people whenever they need something from me, but no one does the same for me. It just wears me out. I put myself out there for everyone all the time, but I can't even get a friend to call me to say she doesn't want to go somewhere with me.

I guess I'm mostly disappointed. Disappointed that she would do this to me yet again. Disappointed that she doesn't have the courtesy to call and apologize. Disappointed that she doesn't stop to think of my feelings. Disappointed in myself to let myself get worked up. Disappointed that I let people walk over me. Disappointed because I thought my friend was a very good friend.

I think that's enough raving from me tonight. You get the drift what kind of mood I'm in!

Until next time, sports fans.